OMG…I just walked out my back door. The brown-skins not only regrouped in MY BACKYARD, they’ve invited a whole new group of invaders to join their community! Gleefully invading my backyard is a whole bunch of PURPLE-SKINS, mixing unabashedly with the brown-skins deep in collusion against me in MY backyard. I haven’t yet heard back from president Trump on my request for troop support through the Department of Acorn Control and Eradication (ACE) to quell the invasion of the brown-skins, although I remain hopeful. Now, I’m going to double down on my efforts to get Trump to honor my plea. I only want Trump to send troops to protect MY BACKYARD, which He’s promised on numerous occasions from the South Lawn of the White House. I think it’s a simple request, after all, since Trump has so vociferously pontificated on the protection of our borders. I assume that to include the borders of MY BACKYARD. Therefore, I once again retreated from the invasion and returned to my desk, opened my laptop and tweeted another urgent request to Trump to send at least a contingent of 5300 troops to protect MY BACKYARD from this newest assault by now BOTH brown-skins AND purple-skins. Hopefully, this more recent request will move Trump to send troop help with this new crisis in MY BACKYARD. Perhaps Trump will now establish a Department of Persimmon Eradication and Elimination, or PEE. Meanwhile, I’ll go at the invaders again with my blower and rake. I must once again reestablish MY sovereignty over MY BACKYARD against this newest invasion of Persimmons and Acorns.

 

 

I Scream NIMBY

It’s one of those things that comes to mind when you’re really not thinking.  It happened to me yesterday; I had on my backpack blower and was  slowly working my around the house, mechanically blowing leaves ahead of me — fluff the leaves, roll the leaves, swing to the left, swing to the right.  Suddenly it dawned on me that I had a very, very large community of brown-skins residing in MY BACK YARD!!  Why hadn’t I noticed them before? Where’d they come from?  What can I do about them?

I tried to remove them with my blower; but even at full throttle, however, I couldn’t move the majority of them off the spot. They wouldn’t MOVE!!  Entrenched.  I feel helpless.  It’s an invasion. How can I get them out of my backyard?  I put down the blower and picked up the water hose: I’ll blast them out of my backyard with water!  Alas, a water hose is not a water cannon.  I couldn’t budge those brown-skins.  They just dug deeper into the grass of my backyard, refusing to move on out of there.

I backed off, went into the house and popped a top, contemplating my options. I decided to contact the White House, knowing how Mr. Trump feels about the brown-skin invasion from the South.  Maybe he’d create for me a United States Department of Acorn Control and Eradication, or ACE, and send 5,700+ National Guard troops to remove the brown-skins from my backyard, setting up a perimeter and patrolling the border to keep out the brown-skins from my backyard.

After waiting for weeks to hear  back from Mr. Trump, and really needing to get those brown-skins out of my back yard before they could take root, I got a rake and began the tedious task of forcefully removing them myself.